peace_please

wow where i said...>> but if someone like mary or emilee or amanda or my dad : ( <<that soounded really bad. those are people who mean the world to me and people that ive know most if not all my life who i just happend to say.honestly If anyone of the people i care about were to die i would go threw hell and i didn't want that to sound like only those people. im super sorry.

about a month ago i had a dream that i died. and what scares me is that it didn't scare me. and i have been thinking about it alot lately and honestly death doesn't scare me at all. well let me refrase that. death 4 me doesn't scare me...but if someone like mary or emilee or amanda or my dad : ( . thats horible to imagine. but if i were to die id be completely ok with it. i would not question it at all. And that scares the hell out of me. im not saying i wont to die but if i were to i would be ok with it. man its confuseing. but im effen young! i should be scared of dieing right? i mean like 80 year old people are ok with dieing and im only 14 and im fine with it. but 80 year old people know there gonna die soon and i dont. ah this is so messed up!
and like...aren't people my age all excited 4 what the future brings? im not. seriously it seems ive been this age since was 7. its like im never gonna actually grow up...more like things are just going to gradually come my way. or maybe thats the way i look at it...hmmmm. and this is not going to make any scence but everday it seems like im just liveing the same day just with diffrent people at diffrent places. like i have nothing to look forward to its just another day.
and i love to sleep, i love to dream, i love to just be in my own place and sometimes i never want to wake up. i wonder if thats what being dead is like. being dead seems so cold and lonely but you never know and id be ok with knowing any time. is that not freaky? damn.and like...im not gonna go kill myself or anything but i dont want to live anymore. wich doesn't mean i wont to be dead but it would be ok if i was. and really no one cares anyways. im just another interesting girl someone meets along there way of there life to live. i mean the only person i can see it seriously efecting is my dad...i could never do that to him. and damn i dont wanna seem like some freacky ass oh i hate life im gona go kill myself person cuz im not...i just dont think the future is holding anything for me and i dont wanna keep waiting 4 it. when come to relize the future is everyday...is there really any future? i mean isn't the future just looking back? yeah that made scence to me but probibly not to anyone eles. well im gonna go back to doing my favorite thing now. sleep.
i hope you have a nice life

WoW. What a boreing day i had. Last night i feel asleep at freackin 6 and woke up at 11:30 today. thats effen 17 and a half hours! Thats a long dang time to sleep. And i herd i missed a good party. damn. well i woke up and just wasn't in a good mood at all. and the day wasn't going well then i got bitched at...and it wasn't very nice at all. so i was going back to bed and this is like 1 o clock...damn what a waist of a day. Then i got a phone call : )!! that was nice! cheered me up alot. Well i just lied around the whole day and i watching pretty women. i love that movie then i watched sex an the city so now im in one of those moods so hmmmm now im just sittin on my bum some more and i have nothing to do tonight so im gonna go take a bath ; )! I hope you have a wonderfull night!

Current Mood: horny
Current Music: tim mcgraw (oh baby)

Just got home...: /. My tummy like marjor hurts. i had a sprite and 4 some strange reasone it hurt my tummy. Damn sprite...i should sue. well last night wasn't bad...nope not bad at all. : )!!
I crashed at charlies...that was cool. And i got mt new years kiss! YaY! That was supa cool. Man im so freackin sleepy now. i had one long night. YAWN! ok well im gonna go watch the lil butthead(cammy) then its probibly off to bed if know one calls to do anything.I hope you have a very good night!

Current Mood: drained
Current Music: elton john

Man oh Man im so freackin bored. ive been cleaning my room all day. It's not to exciteing. And im not as excited about tonight as i was. Im in a strange mood. I dont really wanna do anything.
Yall wanna know a secret...ive never had a new years midnight kiss. Im such a loser. Oh well. I'm not sure if i wont one. Well i do and the peron i want one from well...lets just say its not gonna happen. oh and mary is not coming anymore and i would feel wrong not having mary 4 new years. every new years ive been with her...: ( so i kinda just wanna go and do our thing like we always do but i gave people my word that i would go to the party. plus mary is most likely gonna have brandon and gaby over and yeah that would not be good at all. Mary and brandon will end up havin sex and yeah gaby will wont to and im not gonna be down 4 that.
so ill just go to the party and have a good time. Ah i have such a bad feeling about it though. its strange. like i koe nothing really bad will hapen but like what if i just get down about something and end up having a sucky time. well whatever. hmmm well i will just have to see. cant just live on a feelin. well im outta here.
have a very good new years!!!

Current Mood: indescribable
Current Music: none...how boreing

How is it that i can have so many emotions jammed all up inside me and yet feel so empty?

Current Mood: confused
Current Music: A Perfect circle-the nurse who loved me<good song

AHHHHH I'm so freackin Hyper!!!!!....it could be the music! Man Oh Man too bad i had a bad night last night cuz i looked hott...and thats not like me to say that. Well Damn. Ah i can't wait till chris's party!! It's gonna be fun! gr i was reading this thing on bush today...hes such a dumbass! I should assasanate him...and whoever doesn't know me im just kidding....i cant even kill a misqueto. but i still dont like him at all. Hes such a butthead! 2morrow im gonna go buy theses shoes that i freackin love! there black converse and have white peace signs all over um! I LOVE THEM!! and im gettin them : )!!! YaY. Well im gonna go get Emilee now.
Ofetazine(untill we meet agian)
Have a nice night : )!!

Current Mood: energetic
Current Music: deaf punk

I'm so sick of being lonely: (
(and that has nothing to do with a boyfriend)

Current Mood: depressed
Current Music: a perfect circle

Man oh Man. My back hurts : (! Ive been playing with cammy all dang day. He's so much fun! Man ive been stressin about people. Friends and not friends and people that are just flat out mean and people that make me super happy. It's a confuseing situation. But oh well. Well the family is over....save me. But Le Donna is here and shes super fun. we just got done makeing cookies.and i just finished her presents. Oh and it turns out Statina(my sister)is comeing 4 christmas...and she is bringing The Asshole(her husband)...Hurray this should be an interesting night...i should probibly go hide all the knives and stuff. Ahhh Holy dude!! yesterday in the mall i saw button anklets!!!!! I was like no effen way! WoW. I gotta tell monica.hah. I miss her : (. Oh well. But Anyways im gonna go make more stuff 4 people. Im in that kinda mood...wich is good cuz being creative releases stress : )!
Hope everyone has a nice holiday!

Current Mood: artistic
Current Music: Bob Marley

What a long day. I woke up at 8 and went to practice then went back to emilee's house and watched TV. Then i took a long nap : )! it was well needed. I went to the mall too...that was gay....grrr shoping sucks. Not to mention i felt and looked like crap. oh and i had..."stuff" on my pants!! ha ha! Grrr so i didn't have a very exciteing day but im hopeing 2morrow will be better. I have practice agian 2morrow at 8 then i think me Emilee and Amanda are going to get some grub then maybe the mall...agian...grr. Oh well not like i have anything better to do. Oh and i just made cookies!!! There sooooooooo good! mmmmmmmmcookiesmmmmmmmmmmmmm!! Blah i think i ate to much tho. I couldn't help it...i make good cookies. Yay.
well I hope you have a very nice night : )!

Current Mood: full
Current Music: Guns and Roses-civil war

Man i sleepy...its effen 3 and im still sleepy! well i did wake up an hour ago. Man what a waste of a beautiful day. : (. Last night was pretty cool. Atleast i got out. Tonight i think im might drop bye chris's par~tay but i dono. YAWN!!! Man i think im gonna go take a nap. I hope you have a nice day : )!

Current Mood: lazy
Current Music: Mighty Mouse

I'm at Emilee and Amandas. We just got done watching finding nemo...i cried. what a whimp. hmmmmm my day was boreing...school is gay.Blah. But i always try to look on the bright side...aleast im not a lakemary : )!Ha Ha! Well hmmm tonight i think im gonna stop bye tab's party...not like its far i live 5 minutes from there. ahhhh im so freackin cold! Since there mother is cold blooded its always 50 in the damn house.Hmmmmm i have to P so i think i will depart now. I hope you have a great day and a nice night. : )

Current Mood: cold
Current Music: Rufio-above me

Ah what a day. First of all the power went out last night when we all were sleeping so no ones alarm went off. So i wake up at 8 only cuz i felt sick. So i threw up...ekkkyyy. And i was FREEYZING!! cuz we had no heat! Then i looked outside and was like oh shit! So i look at my battery operated clock cuz i relized we had no power and it said 8:15. so i was like GRRRR! There would be no point of going to school since my first exam was half way over! And i was exempt from the other one so blah. I hope i can make it up. I would have done good on it too! Grrrr. So i woke up the family and went back to sleep. I woke up at 11 and watched videos till now...i got bored. Well i have to study: ( then go to the Phsyciatrist: /! Well i hope yalls day went better. BYe BYe.
Oh and i did good last night at my meet...except for bench : ( that makes me sad. i love benching! Grr.

Current Mood: aggravated
Current Music: jet

Blah exams majorly suck! Over 100 questions on all my exams! That's crazy! So im studying like a mad dog. Blah! Mrs. Prevatt is do GAY! MAJOR BIZNATCH!! Ok first of all she gives us a 5 page study guide (front and back) to do in like 2 days...then she doesn't even let us study them over the weekend and she doesn't give us the right answers untill the DAY BEFORE THE FREACKIN TEST!!! AHHHHH!!!! She's pure evil. The test is gonna be hell! Mr. Taylors test 2morrow will be easyer but still freackin hard! BLAH SCHOOL IS TO STRESSFULL! I don't wanna be in the health acadamy cuz its so hard but i DONT wanna go to lakemary!!!!! Its a sad life i live...ha ha. Oh i won the last meet! And i was in 154 with all the seniors and stuff!! WOOHOO!! Ill be in 139 2morrow...that should be hard too. Grrr i gotta starve myself 2morrow again...i wheighed in 137.2 today...ekkkk to close!! Its at 7 by the way at seminole : )!! I'm excited! Mary is going! YAY!!!!!!! Ah im not gonna be able to eat till 7! ahhh! ILL DIE!! ha ha. i have to atleast have breackfast!grrrr. Ok well i have to get back to studying.**mumbels mean things about ms prevatt**
Good Night : )

Current Mood: overwhelmed
Current Music: the business

Holy dude i finally started up another one of these thingys. Woo hoo. Hmmmm what to say... oh yeah HI! Now everyone gets to know the twisted thoughts that go on in my mind...muah ha ha ha ha. Actually i dont have any twisted thoughts...atleast i dont think i do. Ok well whoever is reading this most likely thinks im pretty gay, so im am out. Have a nice night:)

Current Mood: bouncy
Current Music: none...how boreing